My Life is a Bollywood Movie

Well well, the week has flown by it feels like.  I seriously can’t believe I’ve been here for 3 weeks already.  4 months is already FLYING.  And I don’t like it.  Not one bit.

This week I feel like I’ve been able to have a good little break from Hinduism.  Well… you can’t really have a break from Hinduism while you’re in India, haha.  But I have had some fun experiences that were not so focused on Hinduism and were more focused on other things.

The other night we got to meet with a Borah Muslim.  Well actually, he’s part of a very small sect that broke of from the Borahs, which is a sect of Shi’ia Islam.  So he is pretty much part of a sect which is part of a sect which is part of a sect of Islam, hah!  Anyway, I got to interview him and he was the nicest most polite man!  They are so inviting.  The people here seriously just take you in and treat you like family.  He invited us to their mosque and some other events and it is going to be really fun and interesting to learn more about their practices.  Islam is such an interesting religion and I love learning about their beliefs.

I also made some friends in the branch!  On Sunday I went out to walk by the beach and through this park called Vuda Park with my two friends Santosh and Satish.  These guys are the coolest.  They seriously treat me like a queen… they are so respectful and kind and generous! They help me out with a lot of stuff and it’s been really cool to have friends here and also see what Indian life is like through people my own age.  Best experience at the park: they were both still in their dress shirts and the 3 of us were walking around.  A couple of people were asking them where I was from, and who I was as if I was someone important or something.  The best was when someone saw the three of us and thought that they were my bodyguards…. Hahahah.  We realized after that, well, yeah!  They did look like bodyguards in their white dress shirts, walking around with some white girl.  Hah.  Hilarious.  Here are some pics…

Look at these two! Just the cutest of friends :) haha

 And here we are on the beach... (seriously, look at how white I am! when I instagrammed this I hashtagged 'oreo'. fa real. I am a ghost.)

And then the other night they took me to an indian wedding.  Super cool and fun! (I didn't know that we were going there by the way, so I felt way underdressed in my salwar-kameez with my hair on top of my head haha.  Most people were wearing sarees, but that's ok.  It was a fun and random adventure! [please note also how crazy my hair is in all of these photos. yeah. both blow-dryer and straightener don't work here. healthy hair here I come!])

I seriously feel like my life right now is a Bollywood movie.  All it’s missing is everyone breaking out into song and dance at random moments!  But I am reminded of the movie Rang De Basanthi which is an awesome Bollywood movie… you should all watch it!!  It’s about this british girl who goes to India to film a movie project she has been working on for awhile.  She becomes part of a group of friends there (college age kids) and they all become really close as she follows them around on all their adventures and learns about them and indian culture through them and their experiences.  Anyway… there’s a lot more to the movie than just that, that’s only a very small part haha but I feel like I am that one ghostly white british girl who makes some friends in India and just follows them around on their adventures, eyes wide open through every experience because everything is so new and exciting.  At the wedding they introduced me to EVERYONE.  They were all just so thrilled to have a foreigner there.  I even had a lady (who I think is Satish’s friend’s aunt or something…??) invite me to dine with them, and to teach me Telugu, and to teach me how to wrap a saree, and to give me a saree.  Haha.  Such sweet and loving people here!!

Anyway… I feel like just hanging out with them I learn more about indian culture than anything else!  They are very aware of their culture and they have their own opinions of the good and bad things.  Yesterday I went to the church to study Telugu with them and while I was waiting some boys from the other branch invited me into the room they were studying in because the A/C was on in there (it was so hot yesterday!).  So I went in and they asked me about the project I am doing, and I told them my topic—“self discipline”.  One guy just starts out and says “I don’t think self-discipline is very hard” and I say “oh really? Why not?” and before he even gets a word in I say “WAIT! Can I record this??” haha.  So I pull out my little voice recorder, and a 2-hour interview with 5 college aged indian boys starts.  It was awesome!  We talked about freedom, rules and regulations, happiness, love, truth, the gospel, progression and potential, and the impact of culture.  I learned SO many interesting things.  Between them and other conversations and research I have done this week, here are a few key points I have learned.  I will write them as far as difference goes between America and India.  Of course there are exceptions to each, but I feel like these are things that are fairly accurate most of the time:

AMERICA: very free… tons and tons of options, that it’s almost overwhelming.  Endless possibilities.  Everyone has the potential of being great and doing what they want.  Very ambitious people, always reaching higher and seeking for more.  

INDIA: more limited.  People stay within what they grew up with or what they were taught and rarely branch out.  Not many possibilities or as much potential for progression or change.  People are very dedicated and content with their positions in life and don’t really care to reach for anything different.

AMERICA: very low self-discipline.  Lots and lots of addictions.  Honestly as sad as this is, it is a pretty promiscuous country haha.  Many people live according to their own personal desires or mostly fend for themselves.  Many broken families.  Many people act according to their emotions.  Everyone is constantly changing, fleeting around to wherever the next opportunity takes them.  SO many options that people are rarely satisfied.  Religion is present but not paid attention to and most people are not extremely religious or spiritually minded, although many believe in a higher power or being.  Very extreme in both ends of the spectrum… opportunity and success vs. bondage due to poor or immature choices and failure.

INDIA: very high self-discipline.  Very few addictions, apart from alcoholism which many have told me is the only real addiction here.  Very modest society and very morally clean… very few teen pregnancies, and most people practice sexual abstinence before marriage.  Many women still do not even go outside after 9:00 at night.  People live according to their roles in society and in their family.  The family structure is more important than the self and one’s life is constantly connected to their family… actions are dictated by what is needed by the family.  Kids have a huge respect for elders and for their parents and follow the duty of taking care of their family and parents.  People rarely change from their usual routine… they find their place in society, they focus on that, and they don’t let anything else distract them.  They live their lives focused on that role and don’t worry about living any other way.  Religion is a HUGE part of everyone’s lives.  I have never seen such a devoted people, whether it’s Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, or whatever else.  They believe what they believe and they act accordingly.  Very secure because when one follows their role in their family and in society, they always have their family’s support and life is kind of set in stone.

AMERICA: we search or pursue things outside of us.  Freedom, love, happiness, truth, joy, satisfaction, power, etc.

INDIA: they make or create things inside of them.  Freedom, love, happiness, truth, joy, satisfaction, power, etc.

So that makes me wonder… which is better?  To live in a more narrow but safe life, with not a ton of progression but a strong stability?  Or to live in a more open but dangerous life, with lots of possibility of progression but also a lot less stability?  I like to compare this to the commandments.  I think a lot of Indians live a strict life out of fear.  In fact, when I was interviewing the boys yesterday they told me that in school when they would mess up they would get beat, and so they learned to follow the rules and not mess up because they were so scared.  But is this real self-control?  Well, self-control is self-control, no matter what the motivation is to exercise it.  Although, the motivation to exercise it is still important and does make a difference.  I read in one of the church books (I can’t remember if it was True to the Faith or Gospel Principles) that it’s better to be obedient because you want to, rather than doing it out of fear.  However, doing it out of fear is better than not doing it at all.  It’s kind of like living off of borrowed light too… at least kids will do what is right when they follow their parents’ examples and live off of borrowed light, but it is much better for them to gain their own testimonies and be truly strong because living off of borrowed light, or being obedient out of fear, is not a very strong foundation.  I also asked them what would have happened if they would have grown up in a different culture where discipline wasn't so stressed, and they said they definitely wouldn't have learned so much self-control.  They said if they even went to other countries now they would take on the culture of that country and not live as strictly or tightly as they do here--while still keeping the commandments of course.

A few other things I found interesting were that they have a lot of self-control in the way that they lead their lives and especially with family and how they treat other people, but when it comes to the government they don’t care.  NO ONE obeys traffic laws.  Like, I have never seen anyone stop at a stop sign OR a red light.  Haha!  They don’t respect the police force or the government because it is so corrupt and they hardly have any hope for it to change, so they almost just ignore it.  In that aspect, there is a lot of chaos that goes on here. 

I also asked them about a couple of words and what they meant to them.  One of the words was love.  To Indians, love and happiness is something different than it is for us.  I noticed that all of their answers in one way or another had to do with commitment.  They talked about the love you have for a spouse because they are committed to you no matter what… they never leave.  Most people don't marry here because they 'fall in love'... they marry because it is a cultural norm and they know that it is their duty, and they marry someone who is approved by their family.  In fact, the family is usually the one who seeks out the spouse and then the consent of the child is taken in order for the marriage to happen... so it's a lot more about stability in life rather than love.  I feel like here, personal pursuits would get in the way of marriage.  Whereas in the states, marriage gets in the way of personal pursuits.  Divorce is possible here but is not common, even if the spouses are alcoholics or whatever else they still stay together because that’s just their culture. They also talked about how when you love someone or something, you focus on that one thing and devote your time and attention to it.  So there is that idea of commitment and stabilization again, which I feel like is such a big part of their culture here.  They are devoted and committed.

I guess a downside of all of this, like I said, is that sometimes this prevents progression or the opportunity to find something better.  But if they’re happy, does it really matter?  Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t.  I remember thinking on my mission that I wished SO badly that the people would just open their hearts and their minds to having a better life and feeling the joy and happiness that comes from seeking out and learning the truth.  These boys also mentioned that they are so much happier now that they have joined the church and that their views on these subjects have changed since they have been members.  So I think it is important to have our minds open to view our potentials because maybe we are missing out on something that we never knew we could have.  At the same time, in American society (and seriously this is a problem with marriage in LDS culture and especially at BYU) people know that there is always something better so they continue to reach higher and search for that, and end up never satisfied or never actually finding it because they don’t know when to stop.  Interesting…

Also, I was talking to Rebecca and she told me a story that her sister shared about work.  She once had a job where she worked with a lot of people from China.  She noticed that they were extremely good at doing what they were told to do.  They had their task, and they did it perfectly.  But when it came to problem solving or being creative they were often lost and didn't know what to do.  I think Indian culture would be similar, so I guess there are just 2 different sets of skills.  In our culture we learn to be innovative and creative and solve problems, but because we are exposed to so many opportunities it is often difficult for us to focus on one task or be satisfied just doing one thing and being really good at that one thing.  Whereas here they learn to be content doing one thing and living a simple life, and they master it by being extremely focused and concentrated.  When something comes in their way though or an opportunity presents itself, they don't really know what to do with it. 

Anyway... as you can see, I am learning SO much.  The culture here is literally exactly opposite of ours (well, for the most part) and so I feel like the diversity is helping me learn a lot.  I am shocked at how conservative they are in some areas like dress and morality, where in North and South America we are totally opposite.  Even with so many western patterns coming into the society here, they have still been able to retain a lot of morality and values.  It is definitely changing though, and western culture is creeping in quickly and changing a lot of the pure Indian traditions that have made their culture the balanced and stable culture they are.  I think there are definitely pros and cons to the change, but it is sad to see the morals changing and worsening.

Well… like I said, time is flying way too fast and I am trying to keep up with everything and take in everything I’m seeing and experiencing and learning.  There are incredible people here.  I love them even more than I thought I would, for reasons different than I expected.  You all know how obsessed I was with this country before I came… well, I have found even more reason to be since I’ve been here and am so glad I finally made it here.  It has already been a life-changing experience and I hope to take home with me all of the things I am learning in order to implement them into my life.

If anyone has any thoughts or comments they are greatly appreciated!! Feel free to e-mail me. :) I love hearing other peoples’ thoughts and opinions! Peace ouuuuuuuttttttt

P.s. oh yeah. We were in the newspaper.  NBD.  Please see how photogenic we are.  Hahaha (and by we I mean myself.  Eyes closed and all.)